The Stitley's Story

This history of Stitley's Böner Grease

Ludwig Stitley was born at a young age in 1831. His family was renowned as the finest wheelwrights in the old country village of Böner. His father, Laborc, repaired water wheels for gristmills across the country.

Ludwig grew up learning the family trade, focusing on wagons. Despite their superior quality, Stitley's wheels were still susceptible to friction- and frustration-inducing dry grinding. One day, a coworker's mother nearly bucked off her buckboard when her axle chewed deep in her wheel hole. This gave Stitley an opening.

He wasted no time formulating a lubricant to give her a smooth ride. When the woman returned for his service, he slathered his thick paste on her deep, dry holes. After a quick, steady in-and-out pace using Stitley's grease, the woman squealed in delight!

The mother he liked to fix told two friends. And they told two friends. And so on. And so on. Women flocked to Ludwig's Böner workshop. His coffers bulged as the women flocked and FLOCKED. They just couldn't stop flocking.

Unfortunately, political instability rose in the old country. Partisan separatists fought the Empire. Both sides demanded Stitley's lube for their big guns. (Böner-greased cannons retort faster). It was a dark and stormy night. Ludwig found himself cornered. A gang of club-banging men - big, beefy men – surrounded him. They came for him. They came for his grease. With only his cunning to protect him, Ludwig pointed and yelled, "Look, pumpkin spice borscht!" As soon as they turned, Ludwig ran, fleeing the old country like a thing that flees.

His travels took him to the United States. Ludwig repaired wheels using the techniques he had learned from his father. However, with limited English proficiency, he struggled to earn a living. And face it; it wasn't like there was a wheelwrights shortage, either. Still, he noticed dry holes everywhere! Ludwig didn't know the mother tongue, but he knew superior lubrication was a universal language. Ludwig didn't know the mother tongue but knew lubrication was a universal language. Stitley decided to have his Grease from Böner do the talking.

Screwing his courage to the sticking place, Ludwig set to work. He produced gallons and gallons of his thick, slippery grease as sales grew. Soon, railroad companies joined the frenzy. With Stitley's locomotive, pistons could pump faster, smoother, and longer than ever. Pumping and pumping.

While fewer wagons are on the roads today, Stitley's Böner grease has become a trusted friend for men, women, and anyone in between. Regardless of industry or personal preference, isn't it time you experienced the smooth, Böner action of Stitley's